Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
