The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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