She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
