found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I need moral support for this bender
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
