I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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