Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
