I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
