my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
