wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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