if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
