Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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