I am puke
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
