Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
