I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
there is glitter all over my balls
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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