so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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