Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
