You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
