i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
