I got chris browned last night
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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