she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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