my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
