Christians are straight up FREAKS
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
