i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
