she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
