Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
