I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
