been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
