every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
