we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
