Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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