I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
