Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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