Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
