sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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