So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
