the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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