2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
