So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
