when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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