when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
