Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
