ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
