Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
