dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
