remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
