i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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