My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Randomize
