My first STD was from a foam party
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
