I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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