its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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