I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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