I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
