Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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