the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't think brook has ever known best
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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