Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
